This is one TIP from our collection of practical tips, tools, and techniques. Our tips are gathered from our experience, training classes, and alumni contributions.

Listening To the WHY

We all know that listening is an important skill. We instruct our students to engage in "active" listening. But, what do we hear?

Most listening is the act of being attentive to What the speaker says. Our tip today is to listen for Why the speaker is saying what they are saying.

WHY Is Different Than The WHAT

The Why is very often apparent in personal conversation. You might ask yourself (while a stranger is speaking to you) about why they are telling you about a particular fact or story. Determining the motivation for the speaking is as important if not more so than what is said.

Many of us already know this about our children. When a teenager says "I hate you," he/she is really saying:

• I'm frustrated
• I didn't get my way
• I don't have power to influence you or change your opinion
• I'm embarrassed
• I'm going to hurt you because you hurt me

The Tip

Without trying to be amateur psychologists here, listen for the why when:

• A workshop participant is angry and/or confrontational
• A participant waxes on about something seeming irrelevant, or just waxes on, and on
• A participant is abnormally active or withdrawn

In our classes we advise to confirm what the speaker says. We are also suggesting that as facilitator, you also seek (carefully) to confirm why the speaker has said what he/she has said.

The why may be the most important message coming from the person speaking.

TIPS ARE FOR OUR ALUMNI

We publish a compendium of facilitation tips for our alumni. We occasionally publish a tip for public consumption.

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